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S-CONSCIOUS: Why me?

Nezumidoll

先輩
18 Nov 2010
43
6
16
Title: S-CONSCIOUS
Pairing/s: GacktxMana
Genre: romance
Chapter: 1/?

Authors Note: I don't own Gackt, Mana nor Malice Mizer or their songs(I WISH! lol)

Just thinking about the title S-CONSCIOUS and the part ツ"Cut it out!ツ" that repeats throughout the song.
Hope you like it ^__^ And yeah, don't be afraid of commenting :)

S-CONSCIOUS


The voices in his head shouted ツ"Cut it out!ツ"
Don't even try to imagine those strong arms around you. I'll never be good enough forツ…Him - he dared not think his namn, the one man that was making him warm up, thawing his heart slowly.
He gazed at the man sitting a couple meters away from him, without really noticing it.
It can never be.
He sighed heavily, loosing his always perfect doll-like expression.
Suddenly he became aware of where he was and the others stares. Utterly self-consciuos he looken down and straightened his skirt, not wanting to meet their stares before he was back in his charachter as the emotionless, cold doll.
Sitting in a nearly falling-apart sofa in the bands rehearsalroom, the eyes of his bandmates looking worriedly on Mana as he tried to shove the thoughts out of his head - they were not usel to him letting his facade drop. Mana tried to pull himself together, the singers gaze fixed steadily on his own made that a quite hard thing to do.

As Mana got up and picked up his precious guitar and slowly stroked its strings, the conversation between Yu~ki and Kami picked up again and Közi still half-laid in an armchair with his hearphones on and eyes shut. Gackt let his eyes wander over Mana's slim fingers, the petite wrists and then slowly traced the outlines of his snowwhite face. He then decided to atleast look busy, diverting his gaze to the sheets of music laying in his lap even though he couldn't focus on work - a rather uncommon phenomena for Gackt. Sorrowfilled tunes reached his ear, beautiful chords from Mana's guitar.

Why are you sufflering?

As the day went further and it got late, all but Gackt and Mana had left as the workaholics and perfectionists that they are. After a while Gackt couldn't stop his curiousity anymore, he wanted to at least get a small glimpse to what was going through the gitaurrists head - he wanted to solve the riddle that was Mana.

ツ"Manaツ…ツ" he hesitated, ツ"would you like to tell me what's bothering you?ツ"
He didn't reply - letting the question hang in the air, intent on not meeting the singers eyes.
Why donツ't you speak something?
Gackt shifted in his seat, worried and a bit uncomfortable with the silence.
At last Mana spoke. ツ"Nothingツ". Coldly and quietly the words were uttered, it only made Gackt become more worried.

Why do you keep silent?

Gackt sighed as he heaved himself off his chair, only to slump down on the floor next to Mana, pushing his chin in his own direction, forcing Mana to look at him.
In an attempt to find some emotions within his friends, he looked deeply into his eyes - to his disappointment they were as made of glass.
For once dumbfounded he shrugged and smiled bleakly ツ"well, if that's the way you want it, then fine. You know where to find me if you need to talkツ".
Gackt rouse from his crouch and turned away in an attempt to just walk away.
Mana's thoughts were racing, he needed comfort, he needed his loves arms around him.
ツ"Please don't leave meツ" the words uttered through Mana's mouth were barely audible.
Gackt flinched at the fragile sadness in Mana's voice, yet afraid he was just imagining it all.
Was he really asking him to stay? Did the always cold doll sitting on the floor behind him want him?
Gackt stood still, hesitating if he should go back to his friend or not. What he would do if he did turn back. Thought about in what way Mana might need him.

I don't know what will become of you.


He slowly turned , stared at the broken doll on the floor. Mana couldn't help but let silent tears run down his powder white cheeks, his eyes glassy, looking too fragile.
Gackt couldn't help but kneel down and embrace him, slowly leaning back to look intently on the perfect face of the man in front of him. He slowly wiped the tears away with his thumbs in a soft, caring manner. ツ"I'll stay as long as you wantツ" he mumbled.
Mana smiled faintly, a sorrowfull, yet mixed with relief, half-smile. Gackt noticed the uncommon and friendly gesture, pulling the fragile man in front of him into another tender embrace.

Mana's heart sped up its pace, a soft sigh leaving his perfectly painted lips and for once letting someone into his space. Slowly relaxing, he put his slender arms around Gackts muscular but yet so soft and slim body. He whispered into the man's sensitive ears ツ"thank youツ".
The ice around the dolls heart beginned to very slowly thaw, Mana felt as if he just had seen the sun for the first time in his life.

Surprised by the arms wrapping around him, the gentle, feminime hands resting on his back, Gackt felt his heart thump unsteadily. What should he do? He had dared to embrace the perfect figure, not knowing how the other would react. With surprise he found that he was uncertain of himself, the great ego he usually carried had left him – he felt insecure around Mana, who seemed to be able to reach his sole with those eyes that could kill.

What are you gonna do about it?

When smelling the scent of vanilla on Mana's neck, he couldn't brace himself anymore. The beautiful man in his arms were simply irresistible, the oh so soft skin of his neck seemed so inviting.
Gackt brushed his lips against the pale skin, making Mana shiver and freeze up in his arms.
As Gackt were about to pull back, thinking that the doll in his arms froze up because he wasn't pleased with the idea of Gackts lip on him, he heard an oh so quiet, nearly unnoticeable moan behind tightly closed lips.That moan resulted in Gackt winning back his confidence and his usual straight-forward manner, kissing Mana's jawline to finally finding the lips he had secretly desired for so long.
Mana, to Gackt's happy surprise, pressed himself closer to his body, crushing his lips to the others.
Gackts left hand wandered to sweetly lay his hand against the warm cheek of the man he desired more than anyone, the man he never thought he would be able to have.
The predator in him awoked, his right hand slowly traced the contures of Mana's feminime, thin body.
Finally, to the lusting man's relief, Mana opened his mouth, allowing Gackt to gently massage his tounge with his own, trying to memorize every second of this pleasure, every inch of body his hands had been able to touch after all these years of longing. Mana released himself of the control-freak within him, letting Gackt control the pace and the situation.
As he let go of the control, the façade broke – the doll came alive. His hands hungrily began to run over Gackt's lovely body, letting his long fingers slip within the stylish t-shirt, tracing the small of his back only to bring them to the perfectly toned stomach, pushing away a little.
An obvious pout appeared on Gackt's face as Mana pulled away from the kiss, his eyes burning with lust. But he knew he wouldn't let Mana put himself together, he grabbed his wrists with a smirk – once again he was in control of the beautiful doll in his hands.

I have waited too long for this moment to let it slip through my fingers

To be continued...
 
awsomeness.
I though it was a bit choppy at first, don't know why, but after the first few paragraphs it was brilliant. love GacktxMana.
 
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