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Question about Japanese BF

Kaisen

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I've been dating a guy for over a year. I've meet his mother, he's met my parents and almost all my friends. But I haven't met any of his friends. Is this normal for a Japanese guy?
I've said it to him once or twice and he just keeps saying 'you'll meet them eventually'. It's been over a year! When is 'eventually'!??
 

Mike Cash

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Do you speak English together or Japanese?
 

Mike Cash

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Generally English.
Could it be that he is embarrassed to speak English in front of his friends? Or self-conscious about dating a foreigner? Worried about ribald ribbing from them?
 

WonkoTheSane

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It doesn't matter if it's normal, if it bothers you talk to him about it.

Cross-cultural relationships rely exponentially more on communication than single culture ones, and those fail all the time due to lack of communication.
 

Mike Cash

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It doesn't matter if it's normal, if it bothers you talk to him about it.

Cross-cultural relationships rely exponentially more on communication than single culture ones, and those fail all the time due to lack of communication.
 

Kaisen

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Could it be that he is embarrassed to speak English in front of his friends? Or self-conscious about dating a foreigner? Worried about ribald ribbing from them?
I had considered both of these before...
Tbh these make me uncomfortable because I'm a foreigner and though I might try to study Japanese I know I'll never master it. I've been trying to think of other possible reasons for this behaviour.
If he can't accept that my Japanese isn't the best now, then I worry about the long term viability of our relationship
 

Mike Cash

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I had considered both of these before...
Tbh these make me uncomfortable because I'm a foreigner and though I might try to study Japanese I know I'll never master it. I've been trying to think of other possible reasons for this behaviour.
If he can't accept that my Japanese isn't the best now, then I worry about the long term viability of our relationship
"Mastery" of Japanese isn't entirely necessary. What is needed its an ability to function independently as a literate adult, which is an obtainable goal.

The short-term issue may not be one of what he thinks of your current Japanese ability or of your prospects for future improvement but simply that like many Japanese people he is reluctant to speak a foreign language in front of people he knows.

But if you're contemplating marriage, it certainly doesn't bode well that he may be engaging in avoidance of what he may find embarrassing rather than sacking up and facing it head on. This is like a teen who is embarrassed to be seen with his mom....except that's a phase people pass through and we're talking about the actions of an adult here. Moms expect it and tolerate it, knowing it will go away; you have no such assurances and are right to be concerned about it. After all, who wants to be a perfectly legit and respectable girlfriend/wife to a man who acts like she's a "side piece" he has to keep hidden?

I would tell him 友達の前に出せない女と付き合う男と私は付き合わない (I won't date a man who would date a woman he can't let his friends see).
 

Seiko

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My question is, where is the relationship being taken place at, is it in your country or is it in Japan? What I mean is, are you currently living in your country or are you living in Japan with this guy?
 

Mike Cash

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My question is, where is the relationship being taken place at, is it in your country or is it in Japan? What I mean is, are you currently living in your country or are you living in Japan with this guy?
You have a real penchant for replying to people who obviously left us long ago and aren't coming back. Why is that?
 

Seiko

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You have a real penchant for replying to people who obviously left us long ago and aren't coming back. Why is that?
i should have really looked at the dated more before i post. i am looking to good active discussion but i all the post i find are old.
 
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