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Interpretation of song lyrics

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I think some parts of the English lyrics posted here (top rated comment) are wrong:
1:25 -

拝啓 忌まわしき過去につぐ 絶縁の詩
最低な日々の最悪な夢の残骸を
捨てては行けず ここで息絶えようと
後世 花は咲き君に伝う 変遷の詩

The translation posted:

"Dear My Loathsome Past, to you I offer this poem of farewell!
I have to cast away the remains of these days that can't get any worse, these most terrible dreams, even if it kills me.
For in the next life, a flower will bloom to tell you a poem of transition;
A song filled with suffering, of which to grieve and moan, but never to die out even if it is starved of sunlight."

How does 捨てては行けず become "I have to cast away"? Since this 行く is ゆく not いく I assume this isn't the ~てはい(must/must not~) structure and even if it was it would mean the opposite. I'm not sure if I'm right, but the sentence here looks inverted. If I were to rewrite this part: ここで息絶えようと(思っても/しても)、最低な日々の、最悪な夢の残骸を捨てては行けない。
Shouldn't the translation be among the lines of:

"Even if I try to lay my life's burden to rest here, I won't able to cast away the carcass of these horrible days, of this loathsome dream." Which then leads to: "In the afterlife, a flower blooms and imparts you a poem of change."

Am I wrong? If yes, how should it be translated?

Also,
僕が僕と呼ぶには
不確かな半透明な影が生きてる風だ
雨に歌えば 雲は割れるか
賑やかな夏の干涸びた命だ

This line seems a bit off as well:

"In order to uphold the unsteady fact that I'm me, it's like my half-transparent shadow has come to life.
If I were to sing in the rain, would the clouds part? My life is all dried up in the midst of this bustling summer."

"Unsteady" is referring to the shadow, not to the "fact that I'm me". Can 生きてる be interpreted as "has come to life"? Not "in" the rain, but to the rain. And probably " 歌う" is referring to a poem not a song, since 詩 is an underlying theme here (絶縁の詩/変遷の詩/望郷の詩). This is kind of hard to translate though.
 
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Sorry, I can't edit my previous post anymore.
>I assume this isn't the ~てはい(must/must not~) structure

*I assume this isn't the ~てはいけない(must/must not~) structure

>and imparts you a poem of change

*and imparts to you a poem of change
 
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Toritoribe

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If I were to rewrite this part: ここで息絶えようと(思っても/しても)、最低な日々の、最悪な夢の残骸を捨てては行けない。
The last three lines are actually two sentences.

最低な日々の最悪な夢の残骸を捨てては行けず 
ここで息絶えようと 後世 花は咲き君に伝う 変遷の詩
i.e.
最低な日々の最悪な夢の残骸を捨てては行けない。
例えここで息絶えたとしても、後世、花は咲き、君に変遷の詩を伝える。

Thus, the given translation and yours are both wrong.

"Unsteady" is referring to the shadow, not to the "fact that I'm me".
Not really. 僕が僕と呼ぶには不確かな modifies 半透明な影.

Can 生きてる be interpreted as "has come to life"?
That would be the translation of 生きてる風[ふう].

Not "in" the rain, but to the rain. And probably " 歌う" is referring to a poem not a song, since 詩 is an underlying theme here (絶縁の詩/変遷の詩/望郷の詩).
雨に歌えば is well known as the Japanese title of Singin' in the Rain, thus, the given translation is correct. This is a bit classical usage of に.
 
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The last three lines are actually two sentences.

最低な日々の最悪な夢の残骸を捨てては行けず 
ここで息絶えようと 後世 花は咲き君に伝う 変遷の詩
i.e.
最低な日々の最悪な夢の残骸を捨てては行けない。
例えここで息絶えたとしても、後世、花は咲き、君に変遷の詩を伝える。
Oh, that makes sense. But I was right about it not being a must/must not~ structure? This is simply the negative potential form of 捨ててゆく+ は for emphasis?

So:
"I'm unable to cast away the carcass of these horrible days, of this loathsome dream (and proceed).
Even if I were to lay down my life's burden here, in the afterlife, a flower shall bloom and impart unto you the poem of change " ?

Not really. 僕が僕と呼ぶには不確かな modifies 半透明な影.
Damn it. Those line breaks in the Japanese lyrics really threw me off. I thought they were grouped into somewhat weird sentences.

But the provided lyrics messed up the 僕が僕と呼ぶには不確かな line as well?

"In order to uphold the unsteady fact that I'm me, it's like my half-transparent shadow has come to life."

The translucent shadow is not certain/definite enough in order for him to call that shadow "himself"? Right? Not "uphold the fact that I'm me".

OK, honestly I'm a bit puzzled. :/

So, a literal translation would read: "It is as if a translucent shadow, uncertain in order for me to call it myself, has come to life."?
It would be easier if it were 呼ぶには不確かすぎる影。 Then the translation would sound more natural "A shadow, too uncertain to be called "myself"." Now it kind of sounds unnatural when translated literally.

雨に歌えば is well known as the Japanese title of Singin' in the Rain, thus, the given translation is correct. This is a bit classical usage of に.
Ah, I see. I thought it was a metaphor, since the particle didn't make sense.
 
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Toritoribe

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But I was right about it not being a must/must not~ structure? This is simply the negative potential form of 捨ててゆく+ は for emphasis?
Yes, you are correct. ~てはいけず can't mean "must/must not" even when written in hiragana since the classical form should be ~てはならず/ならぬ.

後世 means "in the future".

But the provided lyrics messed up the 僕が僕と呼ぶには不確かな line as well?

"In order to uphold the unsteady fact that I'm me, it's like my half-transparent shadow has come to life."

The translucent shadow is not certain/definite enough in order for him to call that shadow "himself"? Right? Not "uphold the fact that I'm me".
Right.

I don't think there is a huge difference between (この)半透明な影は、僕が僕と呼ぶには不確かだ。 and (この)半透明な影は、僕が僕と呼ぶには不確かすぎる。, so A shadow, too uncertain to be called "myself" is a good translation.
 
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後世 means "in the future".
LOL. It seems I "slightly" overdramatized the lyrics.
Since it's 後 (after) + 世 (world etc.) looking at the kanji I just kind of assumed it means "afterlife" . This could have potentially led to a very funny misunderstanding one day!
I'm sure you already know this but, an interesting fact: I just checked the dictionary and it seems that the kunyomi version (後の世), for some reason, actually means "afterlife". のちのよ【後の世】の意味 - 国語辞書 - goo辞書

死後の世。来世。あの世。後世(ごせ)。「―まで変わらぬ契り」

Is the 後世(ごせ) version still being used nowadays?

Also, thank you for everything as usual.
 

Toritoribe

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後世 or even 後の世 usually doesn't mean "afterlife". あの世 is used for that meaning. As you can see in the example 「後の世まで変わらぬ契り」 in the dictionary, 後の世 is more likely 来世 "after being reincarnated".
ごせ is a Buddhism term.
ごせ【後世】
仏語。
ごせ【後世】の意味 - 国語辞書 - goo辞書
 
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OK, this may sound a bit ridiculous, but I've been listening to this song again and it kept bothering me.
This part:

UsoToChinmoku said: Can 生きてる be interpreted as "has come to life"?


That would be the translation of 生きてる風[ふう].

Why did you refer to 風[ふう] here? I mean 風 is basically used here as よう, right?
So with 風 it becomes: "It's like/As if a shadow has come to life. "
And without 風 it would simply be: "A shadow has come to life." So either way it's "has come to life", no? I've been thinking if I missed some additional nuance of 風 or something, and it has been bothering me to no end xD
 

Toritoribe

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Hmm, yeah, it seems that I should have written "the translation of 生きてる" without 風.
 
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