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How to understand Japanese women/girl?

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Hello everybody,

I have a little question; I am currently starting to see a Japanese girl.
First we went out with her friend. (Female) But lately, we started seeing each other only the 2 of us. I'll see her today for the 3 or 4 time alone.

I really like her, I don't mind taking my time with her, but how can know if she wants to be friend or more that that? She does compliment me sometimes like I'm a nice guy, but still it doesn't mean anything.

Last time, after we had dinner and coffee, it was time to go home. She had to take the subway and at the subway ireguchi she ask me to precede and go home. (In a polite way, not; yada go home now!) While I was walking away from her, I looked several times behind me, waved at her, she waved back. Now I do know that Japanese people do that and sometimes wait for the person that leaves to be in a certain distance to leave them-self.

But I was wondering, she waited in front of the subway, was it Japanese manner or I misunderstood something. Was she suspecting me to come back and invite her at my place?

I really want her to be my girlfriend and start something serious with her. But it's hard to understand if it is just friend-ship or is she suspecting more than that? Any advice you can give me?

Thank you for your time.

Yagami
 
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Always assume a girl likes you.

Because if she doesn't like you she will let you know that your advances aren't welcome, but if she does like you she may never let you know that she wants you to make a move.
 

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After 3 months of chasing my Japanese girlfriend and getting nowhere , I got my best friend (Japanese) to talk with her. My Japanese was not good enough at the time to convey my feelings for her. My friend explained that I really loved her and was serious about our future , etc. . It worked for me and we were soon engaged and living together. As it turned out , I could not convince her to live in America and I did not want to spend my life in Japan , so an unhappy ending.
 
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After 3 months of chasing my Japanese girlfriend and getting nowhere , I got my best friend (Japanese) to talk with her. My Japanese was not good enough at the time to convey my feelings for her. My friend explained that I really loved her and was serious about our future , etc. . It worked for me and we were soon engaged and living together. As it turned out , I could not convince her to live in America and I did not want to spend my life in Japan , so an unhappy ending.
I'm planing to talk to her best friend, she is also an acquaintance. I do speak Japanese, but it's just that those girls a sometimes so hard to understand. I quite shure she already understood that I am serious about her.

Sorry it didnt work out for you. :(
Thanks for helping
 
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Hi Yagami-kun,

I had my fair share of dating Japanese women, and am now married with one for a couple of years. Although not every woman is the same, my experience with the majority of them is:
- The guy is the one that should express his feelings first
- Japanese women are not very touchy-feely in public, so don't feel hopeless if you never got a kiss or anything
- If a Japanese girl is seeing you alone for the third or fourth time in a short period of time, the odds are on your side

This is just my experience, and probably not the same for everyone.

At some point you will be "interviewed" if she is really interested in you. You will get questions about what kind of job you want, where you want to live, how many children, etc, etc. Be prepared for that, as "wrong" answers may lead to never seeing her again :pompous:
 
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Thank you!

What do you mean by short period of time, is like 1, 2 weeks?
And how to make the first step? I will see her for the 4 or 5 time alone.
I'm sure she knows how I feel for her, but like you said she doesnt express her feelings.
How can I do the first step? :)

Thank you.
 
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she doesnt express her feelings.
She is expressing her feelings by going out with you alone (for the 4th or 5th time).
If she didn't like you, she would be making excuses to avoid you. You've already gone out a few times, now ask her to your place and make her a nice meal, or suggest you make something together or any of a million things other things you might plausibly do together. Or see a movie and invite her to your place afterward...
Bloody hell, has the younger generation become so dependent upon Google for all their answers?
Go forth with confidence, Yagami-kun! Life is too short to be searching the internet for clues on how to read a woman's mind.
 
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Japanese women are often shy at showing affection in public spaces and your girlfriend may be reluctant to go to either of your homes at this stage. How about taking her to a karaoke box ? ..... a good fun night, where you will be alone with her in a private room .... you will probably be surprised with how keen she is once you make that first move . : )
 
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Japanese women are often shy at showing affection in public spaces and your girlfriend may be reluctant to go to either of your homes at this stage. How about taking her to a karaoke box ? ..... a good fun night, where you will be alone with her in a private room .... you will probably be surprised with how keen she is once you make that first move . : )
Exactly this. Especially for a "first move" go to a place that is both public and private at the same time. Inviting her to your house might work, but maybe intentions are too obvious and she might not know how to respond. Karaoke is perfect, since you are out on an innocent date :)thumbsup:) and anything can happen without it being too obvious. There will be less tension! I don't know how old you both are, but having a few drinks and listening to a live band might be good for the atmosphere.

Orrrrr, buy a few drinks at the conbini and take a nice evening stroll near a lake or river.

Like Majestic said: observe real people in bars/parks/streets and stop asking us;)
 
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After 3 months of chasing my Japanese girlfriend and getting nowhere , I got my best friend (Japanese) to talk with her. My Japanese was not good enough at the time to convey my feelings for her. My friend explained that I really loved her and was serious about our future , etc. . It worked for me and we were soon engaged and living together. As it turned out , I could not convince her to live in America and I did not want to spend my life in Japan , so an unhappy ending.
I hope you don't feel I am attacking you. I am passing this off as the foibles of youth and assuming you were young at the time. But I think a lot of people are going to miss the incongruity. But its very important. You said you loved a Japanese girl in Japan and were serious about your future together, yet, you refused to remain in her country where you were at at the time of your declaration.

In your old age you might have already seen it clearly and just neglected to point that out?

I think anyone wanting to understand Japanese women needs to ponder this. When you declare your love for a Japanese woman in Japan, to the point of wanting to marry, she is going to naturally default the future to Japan and not your country unless she is very hot to leave Japan.
 

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I hope you don't feel I am attacking you. I am passing this off as the foibles of youth and assuming you were young at the time. But I think a lot of people are going to miss the incongruity. But its very important. You said you loved a Japanese girl in Japan and were serious about your future together, yet, you refused to remain in her country where you were at at the time of your declaration.

In your old age you might have already seen it clearly and just neglected to point that out?

I think anyone wanting to understand Japanese women needs to ponder this. When you declare your love for a Japanese woman in Japan, to the point of wanting to marry, she is going to naturally default the future to Japan and not your country unless she is very hot to leave Japan.
Young and stupid in the ways of the world. It never occurred to me that she might not want to go to the great US and live. After two years in Japan , I knew I would never be happy living there. When you are young and naïve , you think love will overcome all problems. I was raised to believe a woman was pretty much a slave to fulfill a man's wishes and expected my Japanese girlfriend to do my bidding. It wasn't until my 40's I realized what an *** I was about so much in life. There are many things I wish I could go back and change.
 
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When you are young and naïve , you think love will overcome all problems.
So true. I think we are conditioned to believe this by all the movies and romantic songs, tv, etc... Maybe it is true. But yes, when you are young and naive there are so many things you should ask, but don't ask because you assume love will conquer all. This goes both ways, too.
"Do you have any weird ideas about religion, money, politics that I should know about?"
"Do you have any potentially life-damaging habits I should know about?"
"If our kid turns out (pick any social disadvantage, perceived or otherwise) how will we deal with it?"
"Would it be OK if we retired in (my home country, your home country, any third country)?"
"If I lose my job here and I have to go to (somewhere) to find work, will you come with me?"
"If my parents fall ill and I have to move close to them, will that be OK with you?"
So many questions we ought to ask, but we just assume love will get us through - but for a lot of couples love isn't enough, or, the thing we ask of our significant other doesn't fall under their expectation of what love requires. For me and Mrs. Majestic, things worked out OK (so far!) but looking back I think there were a lot of conversations we should have had earlier.
 

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Thank you Uncle Frank. I was not sure how my words to you would go down. Happy to see you not only saw my point before I even made it, but also saw fit to add more to it. There is a whole army of young people I think could benefit by reading our exchange. Not only the fine details, but also your mature handling of the "accusations".
 
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