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Could someone help me with my sakubun?

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Jan 31, 2018
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Hey there!
For my Japanese class I have to write a sakubun about a book I recently read. I tried my best when looking up expressions I didn't know yet, but it would be very much appreaciated if someone could check it for mistakes. Since the new semester just started, I don't have a tandem partner whom I could ask yet, as my partner from last semester returned to Japan last month.
My sakubun reads as follows:
『1Q84』



学期休み中、私は村上春樹によって書かれた『1Q84』という三部作を読みました。本のタイトルは意味が二つあります。一つ目の意味は、ストーリーには質問がたくさんありますから、『1Q84』の「Q」は「Questionmark」、日本語で疑問符、の略称です。二つ目の意味は英語のアルファベットの「Q」と日本語の9は同音語ですから、タイトルはジョージ・オーウェルの有名な「1984」というディストピアの小説に言及します。本のジャンルは小説で、本三冊は全部でやく1650のページがあります。日本で2009年と2010年に新潮社より出版されました。

主人公が二人あります。青豆雅美は30歳でスポーツ・インストラクターと暗殺者です。他の主人公、川奈天吾、は青豆と同じ30歳で、予備校で数学を教えます。ほかの登場人物はふかえりという少女や作家、青豆の友達の中野あゆみという警官、協力でお金持ちの老婦人、有名な教授戎野隆之、コミュニティ「さきがけ」のメンバー、などです。

ストーリーはちょっと煩雑ですから、あらすじをすることは難しいですが、簡単にいうと、二人の主人公は一人一人で1984年の世界から1Q84というパラレルワールドに入り込んでいます。あそこ、青豆と天吾はお互いを探して、一緒に1984に帰ることを試みます。超自然的な現象がたくさんあって、登場人物の仲は少しずつ説かれます。

作家の文体はとてもいいふにきでストーリーは面白いですから、私はこの三部作が大好きです。「日本文学2」というセミナーで今学期『1Q84』の一部を読みます。今から楽しみです。

I would be very thankful for help since our Sensei scold us when handing our sakubun in with too many mistakes and I'd like to improve my writing skills m(_ _)m
 

Toritoribe

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本のタイトルは意味が二つあります。
Understandable, but 本のタイトルは is more natural.

ストーリーには質問がたくさんありますから
質問 refers to "actually asked question(s)", so your sentence means that the book contains questions asked to the readers, or characters asked many questions in the story. This is not what you want to say, right?

タイトルはジョージ・オーウェルの有名な「1984」というディストピアの小説に言及します。
This sentence means "the title mentions 1984 in the book".

本三冊は全部でやく1650のページがあります。
Understandable, but 本は三冊で約1650ページあります。 is more natural.

主人公が二人あります。
主人公 is a new topic, and animate.

他の主人公、川奈天吾、は青豆と同じ30歳で、予備校で数学を教えます。
もう一人 is better than 他.
読点 is unnecessary after 川奈天吾.
教えます is future tense here.

協力でお金持ちの老婦人
協力で doesn't make sense.

あらすじをすることは難しいですが
あらすじをする doesn't make sense.

二人の主人公は一人一人で
Do you mean "separately"? If so, 別々に is the one.

あそこ、青豆と天吾はお互いを探して、
I believe you want to say そこで, not あそこ.

登場人物の仲は少しずつ説かれます。
Doesn't make sense.

いいふにきで
There is a typo.

ストーリーは面白いですから
ストーリー is better since は works as the contrastive marker.
 
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Thank you for taking the time to reply to my question!

質問 refers to "actually asked question(s)", so your sentence means that the book contains questions asked to the readers, or characters asked many questions in the story. This is not what you want to say, right?
You're right - I wasn't aware 質問 can't be used in such a situation. Which is the correct word then? The only other word for "question" I can currently think of is 疑問, but that doesn't seem to fit this nuance?

This sentence means "the title mentions 1984 in the book".
Would ~「1984」というディストピアの小説に諷する be better?

主人公 is a new topic, and animate.
Oh, I meant to say 有力 - does that work?

あらすじをする doesn't make sense.
Ah, so I have to use は, right?

協力で doesn't make sense.
Then ストーリーの要旨を呼ぶ ?

Doesn't make sense.
I was trying to say "the relationships between the characters are slowly but surely being explained" and couldn't think of something better than 登場人物の仲は少しずつ説かれます. Could you please explain to me how I can say this correctly?

Ah, sure, was meant to say ふんいき
 

Toritoribe

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You're right - I wasn't aware 質問 can't be used in such a situation. Which is the correct word then? The only other word for "question" I can currently think of is 疑問, but that doesn't seem to fit this nuance?
ストーリーには疑問がたくさんあります is usually interpreted that you think the story is doubtful. I would use 謎 instead.

Would ~「1984」というディストピアの小説に諷する be better?
I've never seen 諷する. 風刺する is more common for that meaning, but 由来する is the best choice.

Oh, I meant to say 有力 - does that work?

Ah, so I have to use は, right?

Then ストーリーの要旨を呼ぶ ?
You seem to mix up the quotations and your answers. Do you mean;
1) Oh, I meant to say 有力 - does that work? is for 協力で doesn't make sense.
2) Ah, so I have to use は, right? is for 主人公 is a new topic, and animate.
3) Then ストーリーの要旨を呼ぶ ? is for あらすじをする doesn't make sense.
right?

1) What do you want to say by 有力?
2) Yes, は is appropriate than が. You also need to change あります.
3) Both あらすじ and 要旨 work well. The verb is still not correct.

I was trying to say "the relationships between the characters are slowly but surely being explained" and couldn't think of something better than 登場人物の仲は少しずつ説かれます. Could you please explain to me how I can say this correctly?
関係 is the word for "relationships" in this case.
説明されていきます is acceptable, but I would use 明らかになっていきます.
 
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1) What do you want to say by 有力?
I wanted to say "she is a very powerful and rich lady". Would 有力な be appropriate for "powerful"?

Oh, I'm sorry for mixing up the quotations and answers! You got it right anyways.

2) Yes, は is appropriate than が. You also need to change あります.
So 主人公は二人です。?

3) Both あらすじ and 要旨 work well. The verb is still not correct.
Is あらすじを教える the correct expression? (The Apps and Websites I'm using for looking up words sadly don't list any example sentences for this word, so I'm kind of clueless)

Thank you for your corrections!
 

Toritoribe

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I wanted to say "she is a very powerful and rich lady". Would 有力な be appropriate for "powerful"?
有力 is for ones who play the main act in a group/field, for instance outstanding players in a team or leading companies in a region/field. I believe this is not "powerful" you want to express. I would use the loan word パワフル, but if you prefer Japanese words, 精力的 or 力強い works well..

So 主人公は二人です。?
Yes, it works fine. You can use います, too. (You've already learned that あります is for inanimate objects, right?:emoji_wink:)

Is あらすじを教える the correct expression?
教える is barely understandable, but 話す or 説明する is more common.
 
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Yes, it works fine. You can use います, too. (You've already learned that あります is for inanimate objects, right?:emoji_wink:)
Yes I have :emoji_sweat_smile: But I wasn't sure whether います is used with fictional characters, too - now I do!

Again, thank you very much for your help and time :emoji_bow:
 
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