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A primary school's school song with translation

Joined
May 28, 2016
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Arajuku Primary School

武蔵野の雲ゆうゆうと

Musashino’s clouds leisurely

光を抱いて 流れゆく

Hug the light by streaming across the sky

豊かな心 伸びゆくいのり

Abundant spirit stretched to pray

白い校舎に あふれる声に

White school building overflows with voices

はばたけ明日 新宿小学校

Tomorrow flaps with wing

初雁の町 川越の

First wild goose’s village Kawagoe’s

城南に咲く 花に似て

South castle flowers in bloom resemble

やさしい瞳 鍛える体

Friendly eye trained body

実る努力に 誇りの胸に

Great effort bears fruit great pride of the chest

はばたけ明日 新宿小学校


秩父よ富士よ はればれと

Chichibu and Fuji cheerfully

見上げる希望 大時計

Admire respect wish is a great time

はげましあって 今この時を

The time to encourage is now

学ぶ窓辺に みどりの庭に

Learning by the window green garden.

はばたけ明日 新宿小学校

Leads into future Arajuku Elementary School
I initially thought this would easier than the Middle School but on closer inspection its just as complicated any thoughts how to fix this some what dysfunctional translation?
 

Toritoribe

松葉解禁
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You seem to translate each line one by one. You need to understand the relation among lines and the function of each word/phrase/clause at first. For instance, the predicative is 流れゆく, and 光を抱いて is the adverbial clause in the second line. 初雁の町川越の城南に咲く modifies 花, and 花に似てやさしい modifies 瞳 in the 6th ~ 8th lines. (城南 means "south of the castle", not "south castle", by the way.)
 
Joined
May 28, 2016
Messages
39
I will try again on this song but I can't figure any other lines that need to be assessed together. It obviously is a bad translation.

Ararjuku Primary School

武蔵野の雲ゆうゆうと

光を抱いて 流れゆく

豊かな心 伸びゆくいのり

Musashino’s clouds leisurely stream across the sky hugging its light and giving abundant spirit out to prayer

白い校舎に あふれる声に


White school building overflows with voices


はばたけ明日 新宿小学校


Tomorrow Kawagoe’s first wild goose flaps on the wing


初雁の町 川越の




城南に咲く 花に似て


South of the castle flowers in bloom resemble


やさしい瞳 鍛える体


Friendly eye trained body


実る努力に 誇りの胸に


Great effort bears fruit great pride of the chest


はばたけ明日 新宿小学校



秩父よ富士よ はればれと


Chichibu and Fuji cheerfully


見上げる希望 大時計


Admire respected wish Grand Father Clock


はげましあって 今この時を


The time to encourage is now


学ぶ窓辺に みどりの庭に


Learning by the window green garden.


はばたけ明日 新宿小学校


Leads into future Arajuku Elementary School
 
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